It's been a long time

Wow, it's been a year and a half since I've written on here.  I felt the need to come back with everything going on in my life.  My son is 20- almost 21 months old.  He is AMAZING and perfect in every sort of way.  I never imagined I could love someone as much as I love him. 

We decided last spring, when he was almost 1, that we wanted to try and get a little sibling for him. 

We consulted at Strong with Dr. H last spring and found that we had 5 frozen blasts and some frozen 1 cell embryos.  Our insurance would still cover 3 FETs and 1 full IVF cycle.  We did our first FET in June 2013 and it ended with a negative result.  We then did our 2nd FET in November 2013 and transferred our remaining frozen embryos.  At 1 week past transfer, I tested positive.  This was a Thursday.  I was over the moon happy and nervous at the same time.  My blood work wasn't until the following Monday and I know how that could go bad.  My worst fears came true with that blood work- my hcg level was low, in the 30s.  I repeated on that Wednesday and it dropped into the 20s.  I was going to have a miscarriage.  I was absolutely devastated.  I'm not saying it's easy for anyone to have a miscarriage but knowing that our chances of conceiving were limited made it that much more heartbreaking.  What happened next would make the nightmare even worse.  My hcg started to rise and jump up and down.  Finally about a month later, when my number hit 99, I was given the methotrexate shot to finish off the miscarriage.  Upon looking at an ultrasound, it was noted that something did implant and started miscarrying but it just wasn't giving up.  Finally in January of 2014 my hcg hit zero.  The whole thing screwed with my head really bad.  I lost a lot of faith in everything around me.

Somehow I've healed as best as possible and I now find myself smack in the middle of my final IVF cycle.  I started stims last Friday, April 11th and I've gone for 2 monitoring appointments.  On Monday my e2 level was 441, a little high.  My Gonalf dose was at 150 and Menopur dose was dropped to 75 and I went back in this morning.  My lead follicles are around 11-12 today and my e2 level was again a little high at 1285.  Again my dosing was dropped to 75 of Gonalf and 75 of Menopur.  Other than a higher e2 level, the numbers are similar to my last cycle.  I go back in Friday to see how things look and I'll probably visiting Strong at least once, maybe twice this weekend. 

It scares me to know that this could be our final chance to have a 2nd child.  If it doesn't work or if we have nothing to freeze, this could be it.  I look at my son and know that he is a miracle so it could happen again.  I'd give anything to give him a brother or sister.

10 weeks old

It's hard to believe that my little Noah will be 10 weeks old on Thursday!  He is growing so fast.  We are guessing he is around 13 pounds (we have his 2 month appointment next week).  He can hold his head up really well now.  He smiles and makes all sorts of facial expressions.  We are super lucky that Noah is an awesome sleeper (like his Dad).  He is usually asleep by 10ish and sleeps until around 8 each morning and has been doing this for a few weeks now!  He is a wonderful little boy.  I'm quite lucky that I'm still off from school and have until November 13th with him.

For me, breastfeeding was really difficult.  They don't tell you how hard it can be in the hospital.  They just let you know how natural it is.  I started with problems in the hospital when Noah couldn't latch onto my flat nipples and needed a nipple shield.  Well he wasn't eating enough with using that and never could get the hang of latching without it.  I'm pretty much pumping all the time and giving him milk through bottles.  I've also had a clogged duct as well as a round of mastitis (which was awful).  I think we've gotten into a good routine and Noah seems happy and healthy, which is all that matters to me.

I've lost my pregnancy weight (yay) and now want to lose what I refer to as my infertility weight.  That would be the weight I put on over the 3 years of trying to get pregnant.  This includes what I gained from the meds as well as eating in depression.  It's time to get rid of it and stay healthy for my little man! 

Noah Richard

Well I'm extremely behind on this blogging business so I figured it was time for an update.  Noah Richard entered the world on July 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm at 21 inches and weighing in at 8 pounds, 11 ounces.  Today he is 3 weeks old!

I ended up being induced in order to get Noah into the world.  On Wednesday, July 25th, I had to report to the hospital at 7:30 pm to get started with the induction.  The plan was to use this drug called Cervidil for 12 hours to help ripen my cervix and then start the Pitocin the following morning.  Matt was going to stay home that night and I would just try to get some sleep at the hospital. The Cervidil was inserted at around 8:45 pm.  Matt was going to hang around for a few hours to make sure all was ok and then head out.  Well about a half hour later I started feeling intense pains and felt miserable.  The medication brought on contractions and sent me into labor.  Needless to say, Matt did not go home for sleep that night (neither of us got any sleep). 

By midnight I think I was around 4 cm having gone into the hospital stuck at 2 cm for the past 3 weeks.  My water broke on its own at around that time.  After that things got miserable.  My contractions were only a few minutes apart and extremely intense.  I think at around 2 am I got the epidural and by 6 am I was at 9 cm.  The plan was to start pushing at around 7 am.  I started pushing and then the nurse realized that Noah was sunny side up (head facing out rather than in).  I spent a few hours pushing and flipping from side to side in hopes of getting him to reverse back to the correct position. 

Unfortunately we had no luck with that.  At around 11 am my OB decided that we had tried enough and I would be having a c-section.  I was extremely nervous at this point and just kind of lost track of time after that.  I do remember hearing Noah cry for the first time and just crying my face off.  Matt was amazing at trying to calm me down and shared the news with both of our moms who had been at the hospital all night and morning. 

Noah is absolutely wonderful.  He is now 9 pounds and just adorable.  We had a busy couple weeks with family visiting and his Baptism on August 12th.  Holding him and snuggling him makes all of the struggles worth while.  He has stolen my heart and I treasure every moment I have with him.

Due Date

Well it looks like our little guy is going to be making a late arrival.  Today is the big due date and there is no sign of him coming.  I had an ultrasound, non-stress test and appointment yesterday.  He looks great and it just comfy cozy right now.  I go back again Monday and they will schedule an induction for next Thursday or Friday if he hasn't shown up at that point.  Matt likes to joke that he is just like him already- hitting the snooze button and getting some extra sleep before making his arrival!

38 weeks

How Far Along: 38 weeks

Size of Baby: 19-22 inches, 7 pounds, watermelon (according to my phone app)

Maternity Clothes: Peace out regular clothes, see ya in the fall!

Weight Gain: 20 pounds

Belly: I feel enormous

Stretch Marks: A couple.

Sleep: It's been better but only because I'm done with school and can sleep as late as I want.

Best Moment of the Week: Hearing from the doc that his head is down (and she could feel it), I'm 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced- let's get this show moving!

Movement: I feel him all the time.  I still get panicky when I don't feel him for a few hours so I guess I'm a little crazy!

Symptoms: Exhausted, heartburn, acid reflux.

Food Cravings: Nothing really.

Gender: It's a boy!  We have his name all set and can't wait to share it once he arrives.

What I Miss: Walking like a normal person!

What I'm Looking Forward To: 12 days until the due date so hopefully meeting my little guy real soon.

Weekly Wisdom:  It's all worth it in the end.

Milestones: He is a full term baby that could come any day now :)

Emotions: Nervous and excited.

31 weeks

Whoa it's been a while since I've looked at or written on the blog.  Oops!  Things have been hectic to say the least- but all in a good way.  I had my baby shower back on April 28th.  It was absolutely wonderful!  I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends and family!  Childbirth class was yesterday.  It was somewhat overwhelming but I'm ready to get this show moving!  The hospital seemed great and is only about 10 minutes from home.  I was actually born at that hospital almost 30 years ago.  I have 5 weeks left of school (WOOHOO) and then it's time to just wait for our little man to join us.

How Far Along: 31 weeks

Size of Baby: 19 inches, 3.9 pounds, head of lettuce (according to my phone app)

Maternity Clothes: Peace out regular clothes, see ya in the fall!

Weight Gain: 14 pounds

Belly: It's growing...

Stretch Marks: A couple.

Sleep: Hasn't been great.  I'm either up using the bathroom, feeling like my boy is practice karate or can't get comfortable.

Best Moment of the Week: Childbirth class, almost deciding on his name

Movement: Feeling it everyday now.

Symptoms: Exhausted, heartburn, acid reflux.

Food Cravings: Nothing really.

Gender: It's a boy!

What I Miss: Same as last time- having a drink after a long day at school!

What I'm Looking Forward To: School ending for the year, finishing up the nursery.

Weekly Wisdom:  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...hurry up summer!

Milestones: Less than 9 weeks to go

Emotions: Very blessed and lucky

25 weeks

How Far Along: 25 weeks

Size of Baby: 9 inches, 1.7 pounds, eggplant sized (according to my phone app)

Maternity Clothes: Peace out regular clothes, see ya in the fall!

Weight Gain: 7 pounds

Belly: It's growing...

Stretch Marks: 1- yuck.

Sleep: I swear I've developed insomnia.  I'm up a few times a night and can't seem to just sleep well anymore.

Best Moment of the Week: Working on the nursery!

Movement: Feeling it everyday now.

Symptoms: Exhausted, heartburn.

Food Cravings: Nothing really.

Gender: It's a boy!

What I Miss: Same as last time- having a drink after a long day at school!

What I'm Looking Forward To:  Continuing to get things set for our little guy!

Weekly Wisdom:  A few friends from my support group have had a hard time lately with failed cycles and miscarriages.  I wish I could help them see that all the pain will be so worth it.  I would repeat those 3 years of trying to end up where I am right now.

Milestones: 15 weeks to go!

Emotions: Very blessed and lucky :)