The Break

So CD 1 would have been Wednesday, December 1.  It still is that date.  But there are no drugs involved in things right now.  It's actually kind of nice to not have to obsess about going to the doctor's office, calling the directions phone number and doing shots each night.  Nothing controls my time- just me.  I picked up a book called "The A.R.T. of Making Babies" which is all about IVF.  The least I could do is spend this time learning about what might be happening in the future.

It's Christmas time!

Our Christmas lights on the house...and the first snow fall


Christmas Tree

SNOW DAY

SNOW DAY!!  Probably the 2 best words I could have heard this morning!!

2 years

Two years ago Matt and I decided to take the leap and started our journey in adding a little one to our family (other than our little dog, Lucky, of course).  Two years.  In that time we have gone through so much.  A year on our own.  Numerous tests and doctor's appointments.  Five IUI's with femara/ovidrel.  Four IUI's with bravelle injections.  Many friends getting pregnant and having their babies- some even pregnant again.  Too many broken hearts to even count anymore.  We are done with IUI's now.  We are going to take some time away from the meds and try to figure things out.  Maybe we'll have a miracle in that time.  If not, we are hoping to pursue IVF. 

When we started this journey 2 years ago, neither of us ever expected how hard it would be.  Infertility wasn't in my vocabulary or my brain.  Now it consumes my thoughts and life.  Despite all the heartbreak, I think our marriage has become stronger.  Not all couples could survive this I think.  I eats away at you.  It gives you a roller coaster of emotions from the disappointment of a negative to the optimism following an IUI. 

I hope one day we'll be able to look back at this journey (with our child) and know that it was all worth it.

10 year reunion

This past weekend I had my 10 year high school reunion.  It is crazy to imagine that 10 years ago I was still in high school.  Since then I spent 4 years in college at SUNY Geneseo, lived and taught in Las Vegas for 4 years, got married and moved back to Buffalo 2 years ago.  We have also been trying to get pregnant now for 2 years.  The reunion was one of those subtle reminders of our infertility.  It was tough hearing about former classmates' children or pregnancy.  It was also hard to put on the happy act.  I so wanted it to be Matt and I with a baby or at least a baby on the way.  If only this infertility journey wasn't so difficult.

I get by with a little help from my friends

My RE office has a support group that meets once a month to help deal with infertility.  It began back in June- tonight we had our 6th meeting.  Over these 6 months these women and couples have become a huge support network to me.  Never would I have imagined that these strangers and their stories would become such a part of my life.  It's comforting to know that I am not alone in what I feel and think about our struggles with infertility.  These women and couples will probably never know exactly how helpful they have been- but I am thankful for their support.

Next Steps...

It's been a while since my last post so I figured it would be time to update things.  We just had our 9th and final IUI yesterday morning (4th round of injectables).  We are cautiously optimistic.  I had 3-4 good follicles so things looked good on my end.  In even better news, Matt had a count of 44 million with 21 million motile!!!  That is normal and the best we've EVER had!!  It was a HUGE shock to see that!!  Maybe there is hope that it will work out!! 

We've started looking into where to go next.  If this doesn't work, we are taking some time off and getting some money saved to pursue IVF.  We met with Dr. C ho does the IVF procedures at our RE office.  He was great!  The good news is that it might not be as expensive as we originally thought.  We might also be able to get 50% coverage if we switch insurances during open enrollment this month.  I feel better knowing that there is a plan for us.