Records

I finally got a copy of my records from my current RE to bring to our appointment with our new doc on the 21st.  It's amazing how a year of so many ups and downs can just be summarized in about 60 pages.  Everything sounds so technical.  Every procedure, every test, every appointment  described with details in these pages.  That's the thing about infertility.  There is the technical, paperwork side of it- the part that happens in a doctor's office.  And then there is the emotional side that doesn't show up in a chart.  It's the emotions behind those procedures, the ups and downs, that stay with me each day.  I'm thankful for the time we've taken away from the office and the paperwork side of it all.  I'm glad because I feel stronger than I did a few months ago.  That emotional part of me was a complete mess after our last failure in early December.  I cried for a few nights straight and walked around like a zombie.  I went through the daily actions needed for my job and life but I wasn't really living it.  I really didn't know if I could go forward with things and how to cope with it.  I didn't think I could take one more let down and broken heart from a negative pregnancy test.  But I think that now I am doing better.  I know that we are taking the tougher path to start our family but I have to be optimistic that things will work out.  I'm ready to start the IVF procedures and I think I am physically and emotionally ready to start new records with (hopefully) a better outcome.

-7

As of this morning, I've lost 7 pounds since the beginning of 2011!  Yay!  I want to try and lose as much as possible before IVF.  We are still meeting with the docs at Strong in February.  It would be ideal if we could just get started and hopefully do the IVF in April with the retrieval and transfer being the week that I'm off from school.  I'm so ready to move forward and start this process.  The 21st can't come soon enough.

Support Group

I remember the first time I went to the office support group I was so unbelievably nervous.  How could I spill all my insecurities about our infertility issues with a room of strangers??  No one could possibly understand how I felt and I had to be crazy for how I was feeling.  Somewhere over the past six months, these ladies (and sometimes husbands) have become much more than strangers in the doctor's office.  I no longer just see this group as random people going through the same struggles as we've been going through.  I really do see them as genuine friends.  I feel so fortunate to have such a wonderful support group to share all the ups and downs of this inferility journey with.  As another member said tonight, I can't wait until the day that this infertility support group becomes our play group the share wonderful memories with as our kids grow up. 

Bun not in my oven

Another day at school and another pregnancy announcement.  Two teachers have already had babies this year.  Three more have one on the way.  I want to be happy for them but I don't know how.  It's been such a hard 2 years for us and I'm just out of happiness.  Facebook is depressing with all the pregnancy announcements, belly pics and ultrasound pics.  I don't cry much about it anymore.  I just shut down and become numb.  I'm not sure which reaction is better to have.

"Test tube baby"

It's pretty ironic that a student asked me the other day about what a "test tube baby" was.  He had been looking at an article and saw the term mentioned.  It was very hard to explain this to an 11 year old boy!  The ironic part is that is exactly where we will be soon enough- hopefully creating our own "test tube baby."  I felt like saying that I would be able to tell him all about it in a few months.  The other ironic part is that my assistant at school is a baby from IVF...one of the first few hundred babies conceived that way back in the 80s.  She is a constant reminder to me that it is possible to have success with IVF.

Retail Therapy

I think I am slowly realizing that I have an obsession with Vera Bradley, especially Java Blue.  Last night I got my latest order in the mail.  I now have the following items all in Java Blue:  Betsy, Hipster, Euro Wallet, Ditty Bag and Medium Cosmetic. 

As if that weren't bad enough, I bought myself the Baby Bag in Java Blue as well.  The color is being discontinued and it is just my favorite!  Yes- it is sad to buy a baby bag without a baby.  But I kind of see it as motivation to get healthy and do better for myself.  One of these days I will be walking around with my own baby and my fabulous Java Blue Baby Bag!



Compliments

It's amazing how a few nice words can go a long way.  I arrived at school yesterday at the same time as my assistant principal.  As we were chatting on the way in, he mentioned that another teacher had come to him about me.  My first reaction was "oh no."  But what came next was a pleasant surprise.  This teacher wanted to recognize how well my students have been behaved this year (compared to our other 6th grade class) and how much more respectful they are overall.  Having a co-worker's acknowledgement was great!  My assistant Principal was going to pass the good word on to our principal and board (I work at a small charter school where we know everyone).

Although I technically don't know exactly who said the compliment, I have an idea of who it might be.  The day before class came back late from gym.  I was thinking that they were in trouble because that is usually the case when they are late.  It turned out that our gym teacher was talking to my class about why they are so much more respectful and behaved than our other 6th grade class.  The kids said that they knew I was fair and would follow through with what I said I would do if they misbehaved.  And they respect me for that.  Having hormonal 6th graders compliment you is a huge deal as well! 

It really is amazing how a few nice words can go a long way.  Hopefully this positive vibe can carry on for a while!