The Waiting Place

I realize this will sound crazy.  I'm sure I'm losing my mind.  But I'm actually kind of jealous of friends that are moving forward with their IVF.  I'm jealous that they are now in their shot part of the cycle.  If things were on schedule, we would have been there so soon.  But, instead, we wait.  It feels like it's just been too long now since we've had a chance to get pregnant.  Since November.  Now the soonest would be June/July.  Next Thursday is the pre-op and then 2 weeks from tomorrow is the surgery.  I'm just so ready for it to be done and to move on with things.  I want to know how things will turn out. 

This waiting reminds reminds me of one of my most favorite children's books, "Oh! The Places You'll Go."  The story is about working for your dreams but sometimes you have set backs that get you to the waiting place.  That is where we are- the waiting place.

...I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

I'm ready to make my escape from the Waiting Place.

Delays

I have to have surgery to remove the polyp.  That is scheduled for April 8th with my post-op being on April 28th.  We are cancelled for IVF for now.   I guess we'll figure out a new schedule and plan after the surgery is done.  I'm frustrated.  I'm tired of waiting.  It will be 2.5 years by the time we get to even really think about IVF again.  I'm nervous about having the surgery to remove the polyp as well.  I just wish this whole time would just get over and we could move forward again.

Saline Sonohysterogram

I had my repeat saline sonohysterogram this morning.  It definitely wasn't as bad as I remembered but it helped that I didn't have a biopsy done this time.  Everything was OK except for a 9mm by 7mm polyp that is on my uterus.  The doctor said that it might have to be removed before we do IVF but she would recommend that the RE makes the final judgement.  Hopefully we'll get results soon.