A little of this, a little of that

This entry may end up being completely incoherent but I wanted to get a few things off my mind in healthy manner (AKA not flipping out on the first 2 people).

1.  One of my best friends in the world has not been a very good friend lately.  D and I have known each other since our freshmen year of college 11 years ago.  Last summer I was the Matron of Honor in her wedding to her now husband that I also knew in college.  D is aware of the struggles we have faced with trying to get pregnant- I don't tell many but since she is such a dear friend, I wanted to share it with her.  The last time I really spent a great deal of time chatting with her about anything was April- right after my surgery.  It hasn't been for a lack of effort.  I've tried calling and texting and always get the same response- I'm busy but we will catch up soon.  About a month ago after our failed IVF, I spilled my every emotion to her in an email about what had happened.  I got the same busy excuse.  I feel hurt at this point.  I don't ask for much in friendships- just for someone to be there when I need it (which I don't ask for help very often).  I don't know how to handle the situation.  If she can't at least pick up the phone or email me back after me sharing my IVF story, then I don't know how well of a friend she really is.  It breaks my heart to even think that.  A friendship should be a two-way relationship.  No one can be that busy that they can't spend 5-10 minutes checking in on someone.

2.  I am quite furious with my cousin's wife right now.  A little backstory- we mentioned something over 2 years ago about wanting to get pregnant (back in 2009).  That summer she and my cousin got married.  While at her wedding, she drunkenly introduced me to her friend who is a nurse to give me fertility advice.  So inappropriate!!!!  She has been nosey off and on since then but I haven't shared anymore information as we decided to keep the IVF part of all of this pretty private.  Well randomly last week she brings up her friend again and how her friend works at an infertility clinic 5 hours away and we should go there.  Um shut the hell up I wanted to say.  Today I get a call from her saying that she talked to her friend again and she got the pricing on all the fertility treatments from this friend.  Again, so inappropriate!!  I  didn't ask for her opinion or advice or for some random person to get involved with my life.  I swear I almost yelled at her through the phone.  I just told her that we aren't doing anything and we aren't interested in the information.  Uggg- people are so dumb!

3.  I feel extremely fortunate for the friends that I have made through infertility.  It's amazing as to how I feel like I've known some of them forever.  I only wish that I could have made our  circumstances for meeting different.  I would be lying if I said that it is still bittersweet when some have gotten pregnant and I am still struggling.  But I'm trying to just figure it all out the best I can.  It will never be worth losing a friendship over and I, of course, wish them nothing but the best.  I hope I get to be apart of the momma-to-be side of it all real soon and my infertility friends become my mommy friends.  Hopefully, if any of them read this, they won't be offended too!!  

4.  Lupron starts Saturday- let's get this show on the road.  It all kind of snuck up on me this time.  Maybe it's a good thing to be busy with school so I don't obsess over it all.  I'm ready to just do this and hope for better results than this summer.  Three years of TTC is quickly approaching- I hope we can end this journey at 2 years and 11 months.

Schedule- updated

I have my schedule for IVF #2 officially set now.  I started birth control pills on 9/11 and will continue them until 10/6.  Lupron begins on 10/1 and stims will begin on 10/13 and my retrieval will be the week of 10/24- just as was discussed at my last consult and what I expected.  The office has a team meeting on Tuesday to discuss upcoming cases- mine will be discussed at that point.  After that I will get my calendar in the mail and can start re-ordering meds.  The good news is that the Lupron shortage seems to be done so I can order through an approved pharmacy and not pay as much for it.  My insurance approval should be getting run soon as well so we should be good to go soon!  Let's get this show on the road!!

September 11th

10 years ago is a date that I will never forget- 9/11/01.  I was a 19 year old sophomore in college.  I remember watching the coverage all day in my dorm room with my suitemates.  I had an afternoon class that I went to.  My professor walked in, said that his sister was missing in NYC, and left.  My college had many people from the NYC area and we held a candle light vigil that night.  Today I find myself drawn to the coverage again.  It's hard to believe that my current 6th grade students were only a year old at the time.  They have no recollection of the events.  Life has changed so much since then.  I can only hope that my students and that future generations will never have a day like this to be witness to.

CD 1

Finally my period decided to show up.  It's kind of light right now but enough for me to do my blood test so that I can start moving forward with the IVF.  I'll start the pills on Sunday and should get called Monday about getting a schedule going.  Ahh I'm so happy to be done with this month!

Late

I am 3 days late for my period right now.  I have never been late in my life.  I've always cycled at about 28 days.  I have no idea when I ovulated so I can't use that as a judge of things for this month.  I'm so frustrated about it.  I'm hoping that my failed IVF cycle did not mess with my cycles and everything--that would s-u-c-k.  I am just so ready to move forward with our 2nd IVF and I don't want keep waiting around for things to progress. 

I know some of you might be thinking that I could be pregnant.  Ha.  I highly doubt that!!  Our MFI is pretty bad so I doubt we'd end up with a natural pregnancy.  I refuse to even buy into that idea at this point after probably approaching 35 negative months at this point.  Stupid body- get your act together and bring Aunt Flo to town!

Wake me up when September ends...

I really have nothing new and exciting to write about in terms of IVF.  I'm waiting for my period to come soon- hopefully early next week- so that I can start the birth control pills.  Then it is more waiting until early October to start everything else.  I am looking forward to getting my calendar and getting organized once I get my period.

School has been so hectic.  I've been there from 7 am until 5 or 5:30 pm each day and could still spend hours working at home.  I'm exhausted from that.  I'm just hoping that things calm down big time before October rolls around.  My class in interesting so far.  I have 22 lovely 6th graders- 10 boys, 11 girls.  I teach at an inner city school so there is always cultural differences to contend with.  This group seems much less mature (street wise) as last year's crew.  It's a good and a bad thing.  Hopefully it will be mean a lot less drama and a lot more good days.  I know most teachers cringe at the thought of kids at this age but I actually really enjoy it.  You can talk with them and do a lot of fun things for lessons but they are still kids at heart.  We'll see how things are looking in another month or so!