This entry may end up being completely incoherent but I wanted to get a few things off my mind in healthy manner (AKA not flipping out on the first 2 people).
1. One of my best friends in the world has not been a very good friend lately. D and I have known each other since our freshmen year of college 11 years ago. Last summer I was the Matron of Honor in her wedding to her now husband that I also knew in college. D is aware of the struggles we have faced with trying to get pregnant- I don't tell many but since she is such a dear friend, I wanted to share it with her. The last time I really spent a great deal of time chatting with her about anything was April- right after my surgery. It hasn't been for a lack of effort. I've tried calling and texting and always get the same response- I'm busy but we will catch up soon. About a month ago after our failed IVF, I spilled my every emotion to her in an email about what had happened. I got the same busy excuse. I feel hurt at this point. I don't ask for much in friendships- just for someone to be there when I need it (which I don't ask for help very often). I don't know how to handle the situation. If she can't at least pick up the phone or email me back after me sharing my IVF story, then I don't know how well of a friend she really is. It breaks my heart to even think that. A friendship should be a two-way relationship. No one can be that busy that they can't spend 5-10 minutes checking in on someone.
2. I am quite furious with my cousin's wife right now. A little backstory- we mentioned something over 2 years ago about wanting to get pregnant (back in 2009). That summer she and my cousin got married. While at her wedding, she drunkenly introduced me to her friend who is a nurse to give me fertility advice. So inappropriate!!!! She has been nosey off and on since then but I haven't shared anymore information as we decided to keep the IVF part of all of this pretty private. Well randomly last week she brings up her friend again and how her friend works at an infertility clinic 5 hours away and we should go there. Um shut the hell up I wanted to say. Today I get a call from her saying that she talked to her friend again and she got the pricing on all the fertility treatments from this friend. Again, so inappropriate!! I didn't ask for her opinion or advice or for some random person to get involved with my life. I swear I almost yelled at her through the phone. I just told her that we aren't doing anything and we aren't interested in the information. Uggg- people are so dumb!
3. I feel extremely fortunate for the friends that I have made through infertility. It's amazing as to how I feel like I've known some of them forever. I only wish that I could have made our circumstances for meeting different. I would be lying if I said that it is still bittersweet when some have gotten pregnant and I am still struggling. But I'm trying to just figure it all out the best I can. It will never be worth losing a friendship over and I, of course, wish them nothing but the best. I hope I get to be apart of the momma-to-be side of it all real soon and my infertility friends become my mommy friends. Hopefully, if any of them read this, they won't be offended too!!
4. Lupron starts Saturday- let's get this show on the road. It all kind of snuck up on me this time. Maybe it's a good thing to be busy with school so I don't obsess over it all. I'm ready to just do this and hope for better results than this summer. Three years of TTC is quickly approaching- I hope we can end this journey at 2 years and 11 months.