I think I have officially become "that girl." "That girl" means that I am now the one who people are afraid to tell that they are pregnant because they don't want to upset me. Example 1: A close friend from college (we pledged our sorority together) found out she was pregnant. She emailed me on facebook privately to tell me the news long before it came out on facebook. She wanted me to hear it from her and not from some random post. She's due in January with a little girl. Example 2: My grade level partner's wife is pregnant with baby 2. Two weeks ago when we first started back at school he said that they were having difficulties with trying. I would have kept believing that until he told me today that they were expecting. She is due in April- meaning he probably knew before we came back to school but he didn't want to say anything to get me upset.
I am not as happy as I used to be when I found out someone was expecting. I can't be. It is impossible to enjoy and be happy about something that has become such a struggle for me. I feel jealous, angry, bitter and sorry for feeling those 3 emotions all at the same time. I would never wish the journey that Matt and I are taking on anyone but it doesn't make it any easier to hear the joys that other couples are having.