-7

As of this morning, I've lost 7 pounds since the beginning of 2011!  Yay!  I want to try and lose as much as possible before IVF.  We are still meeting with the docs at Strong in February.  It would be ideal if we could just get started and hopefully do the IVF in April with the retrieval and transfer being the week that I'm off from school.  I'm so ready to move forward and start this process.  The 21st can't come soon enough.

Support Group

I remember the first time I went to the office support group I was so unbelievably nervous.  How could I spill all my insecurities about our infertility issues with a room of strangers??  No one could possibly understand how I felt and I had to be crazy for how I was feeling.  Somewhere over the past six months, these ladies (and sometimes husbands) have become much more than strangers in the doctor's office.  I no longer just see this group as random people going through the same struggles as we've been going through.  I really do see them as genuine friends.  I feel so fortunate to have such a wonderful support group to share all the ups and downs of this inferility journey with.  As another member said tonight, I can't wait until the day that this infertility support group becomes our play group the share wonderful memories with as our kids grow up. 

Bun not in my oven

Another day at school and another pregnancy announcement.  Two teachers have already had babies this year.  Three more have one on the way.  I want to be happy for them but I don't know how.  It's been such a hard 2 years for us and I'm just out of happiness.  Facebook is depressing with all the pregnancy announcements, belly pics and ultrasound pics.  I don't cry much about it anymore.  I just shut down and become numb.  I'm not sure which reaction is better to have.

"Test tube baby"

It's pretty ironic that a student asked me the other day about what a "test tube baby" was.  He had been looking at an article and saw the term mentioned.  It was very hard to explain this to an 11 year old boy!  The ironic part is that is exactly where we will be soon enough- hopefully creating our own "test tube baby."  I felt like saying that I would be able to tell him all about it in a few months.  The other ironic part is that my assistant at school is a baby from IVF...one of the first few hundred babies conceived that way back in the 80s.  She is a constant reminder to me that it is possible to have success with IVF.

Retail Therapy

I think I am slowly realizing that I have an obsession with Vera Bradley, especially Java Blue.  Last night I got my latest order in the mail.  I now have the following items all in Java Blue:  Betsy, Hipster, Euro Wallet, Ditty Bag and Medium Cosmetic. 

As if that weren't bad enough, I bought myself the Baby Bag in Java Blue as well.  The color is being discontinued and it is just my favorite!  Yes- it is sad to buy a baby bag without a baby.  But I kind of see it as motivation to get healthy and do better for myself.  One of these days I will be walking around with my own baby and my fabulous Java Blue Baby Bag!



Compliments

It's amazing how a few nice words can go a long way.  I arrived at school yesterday at the same time as my assistant principal.  As we were chatting on the way in, he mentioned that another teacher had come to him about me.  My first reaction was "oh no."  But what came next was a pleasant surprise.  This teacher wanted to recognize how well my students have been behaved this year (compared to our other 6th grade class) and how much more respectful they are overall.  Having a co-worker's acknowledgement was great!  My assistant Principal was going to pass the good word on to our principal and board (I work at a small charter school where we know everyone).

Although I technically don't know exactly who said the compliment, I have an idea of who it might be.  The day before class came back late from gym.  I was thinking that they were in trouble because that is usually the case when they are late.  It turned out that our gym teacher was talking to my class about why they are so much more respectful and behaved than our other 6th grade class.  The kids said that they knew I was fair and would follow through with what I said I would do if they misbehaved.  And they respect me for that.  Having hormonal 6th graders compliment you is a huge deal as well! 

It really is amazing how a few nice words can go a long way.  Hopefully this positive vibe can carry on for a while!

Positive OPK

I got home tonight from a wonderful night out with the support group girls and decided maybe I should do the OPK test as it was just about the right timing.  Guess what?  Positive.  I felt cramping throughout the evening so I was thinking it might be time.

It would be amazing to have our own little miracle pregnancy and to completely avoid this whole IVF business.  I can keep praying and hoping!

Moving forward

I officially scheduled my IVF consult with the RE in Rochester (Strong Fertility Center).  We go on Monday, February 21st.  We are switching offices so that we can get full insurance coverage for the IVF cycles.  It won't be easy making the commute for appointments.  But the savings will be well worth it.  I feel like it is a step forward by making the appointment.

-2

Since we are taking a break from all the meds and procedures for trying to get pregnant, Matt and I have decided to use this time to lose some weight and get healthier overall.  Instead of getting a gym membership, we've somewhat put together our own mini-gym in the basement.  We have my parents old treadmill, a weight bench and some dumbbells and then a yoga mat.  We also have a Wii Fit and some DVDs (Zumba, Walk Away the Pounds) to use in our living room.  We are also going to a trainer once a week to check in and do our "last chance" work out.  We will be watching what we are eating and keeping track of it all on a nice IPhone app.

I've gained way too much weight since we began our journey to get pregnant 2 years ago.  At that time I was about 135 pounds.  For a 26 year old, at that time, and 5'3" woman, that was pretty good.  It was probably the best I've been weight wise a in years.  Once things got stressful and hard with TTC, I turned to food for comfort and became very lazy.  It probably has to do with being depressed with it all.  I must get healthier before pursing IVF.

As of yesterday, I was down 2 pounds from the week before!  I have a huge mountain to climb to get healthier.  But it just takes one step and working one day at a time to get there.

Before weight gain- hoping to return to my former glory

Happy 2011!