It's been a long time

Wow, it's been a year and a half since I've written on here.  I felt the need to come back with everything going on in my life.  My son is 20- almost 21 months old.  He is AMAZING and perfect in every sort of way.  I never imagined I could love someone as much as I love him. 

We decided last spring, when he was almost 1, that we wanted to try and get a little sibling for him. 

We consulted at Strong with Dr. H last spring and found that we had 5 frozen blasts and some frozen 1 cell embryos.  Our insurance would still cover 3 FETs and 1 full IVF cycle.  We did our first FET in June 2013 and it ended with a negative result.  We then did our 2nd FET in November 2013 and transferred our remaining frozen embryos.  At 1 week past transfer, I tested positive.  This was a Thursday.  I was over the moon happy and nervous at the same time.  My blood work wasn't until the following Monday and I know how that could go bad.  My worst fears came true with that blood work- my hcg level was low, in the 30s.  I repeated on that Wednesday and it dropped into the 20s.  I was going to have a miscarriage.  I was absolutely devastated.  I'm not saying it's easy for anyone to have a miscarriage but knowing that our chances of conceiving were limited made it that much more heartbreaking.  What happened next would make the nightmare even worse.  My hcg started to rise and jump up and down.  Finally about a month later, when my number hit 99, I was given the methotrexate shot to finish off the miscarriage.  Upon looking at an ultrasound, it was noted that something did implant and started miscarrying but it just wasn't giving up.  Finally in January of 2014 my hcg hit zero.  The whole thing screwed with my head really bad.  I lost a lot of faith in everything around me.

Somehow I've healed as best as possible and I now find myself smack in the middle of my final IVF cycle.  I started stims last Friday, April 11th and I've gone for 2 monitoring appointments.  On Monday my e2 level was 441, a little high.  My Gonalf dose was at 150 and Menopur dose was dropped to 75 and I went back in this morning.  My lead follicles are around 11-12 today and my e2 level was again a little high at 1285.  Again my dosing was dropped to 75 of Gonalf and 75 of Menopur.  Other than a higher e2 level, the numbers are similar to my last cycle.  I go back in Friday to see how things look and I'll probably visiting Strong at least once, maybe twice this weekend. 

It scares me to know that this could be our final chance to have a 2nd child.  If it doesn't work or if we have nothing to freeze, this could be it.  I look at my son and know that he is a miracle so it could happen again.  I'd give anything to give him a brother or sister.