Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I finally got a copy of my records from my current RE to bring to our appointment with our new doc on the 21st. It's amazing how a year of so many ups and downs can just be summarized in about 60 pages. Everything sounds so technical. Every procedure, every test, every appointment described with details in these pages. That's the thing about infertility. There is the technical, paperwork side of it- the part that happens in a doctor's office. And then there is the emotional side that doesn't show up in a chart. It's the emotions behind those procedures, the ups and downs, that stay with me each day. I'm thankful for the time we've taken away from the office and the paperwork side of it all. I'm glad because I feel stronger than I did a few months ago. That emotional part of me was a complete mess after our last failure in early December. I cried for a few nights straight and walked around like a zombie. I went through the daily actions needed for my job and life but I wasn't really living it. I really didn't know if I could go forward with things and how to cope with it. I didn't think I could take one more let down and broken heart from a negative pregnancy test. But I think that now I am doing better. I know that we are taking the tougher path to start our family but I have to be optimistic that things will work out. I'm ready to start the IVF procedures and I think I am physically and emotionally ready to start new records with (hopefully) a better outcome.