Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Space Between

It's been 2.5 weeks since our official failed beta...and about 1.5 weeks until the start up of birth control pills for IVF #2.  I feel lost in this space between failure and hope.  I haven't been able to let go of all of my emotions from our failed IVF yet.  I'm not sure if I should keep or throw out the picture of our two transferred embryos.  I want to move forward and leave that all behind but it is hard to just let it all go.

I'm ready to move onto IVF #2.  This time will be different- a lot less anxiety about how it all works but more anxiety with being in the middle of the school year.  They will hopefully stim less so we won't have a 46 egg surprise.  I won't be on those awful progesterone shots (I still have marks from the allergic reaction).  Everything should, in theory, go better since they know what to expect.  Maybe when we are actually doing something for round 2 I'll be able to fully let go of round 1.

"The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more..." ~Dave Matthews Band


  1. I hope you're able to let go soon. Or if not let go totally, I hope you find peace soon. I'm thinking of you.

  2. Lora, I'm so sorry. I hope once things start moving you'll be able to move on as well. It's such a yucky feeling to feel stuck. I hope this next round is it for you...maybe the changes are just what your body needs. And are you a big DMB person...? I have loved them since hs! :o) sending you good thoughts.

  3. Lora, I have a box that I keep everything in, including pictures of my 5 embryos that never turned into babies.. My positive pregnancy test from my miscarriage.. Old IVF calendars.. Empty med bottles and so on. I just keep it safe in my box, and on the rare occasion when I want to look at it, or reference something from a past cycle.. It is there.