Losing hope

Today marks 10 days past my retrieval and 5 days past my 5 day transfer.  Today welcomed me with spotting as well.  I'm crushed.  I've cried so much today.  My faith and optimism in this working is slowly drifting away.  I can't believe that this could be all a failure.

I know, spotting can happen early on in a pregnancy or can be due to the progesterone shots.  But I don't buy it.  I have spotting for a day or two before my period starts usually anyways.  With just about every injectable cycle I started spotting at this point as well and those were all epic failures. 

My beta isn't until Saturday- 5 more days, 5 more progesterone shots.  I almost would rather just find out now and get it over with if it is negative so that I can stop the shots.  We have a family BBQ Saturday and the last thing I want to do is be a complete mess in front of my family who will have no idea as to why I would be upset. 

I'm not sure what we would do next- I guess perhaps we would look into our 3 frozen one-cell embryos and possibly to a FET this fall.  I just can't process this all right now.  I'm hoping and praying that this spotting is nothing but it's not looking good.